![]() You are going through some changes right now, and both you and your friends probably have a lot of curiosity about what that means, what bodies look like, and questions about sex and sexuality - even if no one is talking about them. In fact, I had so very many questions at your age too. But, I also want to make sure you understand that being curious at your age is totally normal. Private parts are breasts, penises, vaginas and vulvas, butts. I want to be clear that touching someone's private parts - an adult's or a child's - is not okay, and it actually made me uncomfortable. I remember when we had hugged a few times and you touched my breasts. ![]() I also have something I want to talk to you about that may feel awkward for us both - but I think it's really important. You can say something like, "I love you so much, and I really value the time we spend together. She'll be able to read your body language too so it's okay to take some time to think about what you want to say and how it will land. ![]() Stay away from any labels but be curious, open and calm. Tell her how much you care about her, and also raise your concerns about what you're noticing in her behavior. Ask when she has a free moment to talk together - like maybe after she's had some time to decompress from her day at school and has had a snack. In terms of approaching her, take the time to speak with her privately. Talking with the Child About Their Inappropriate Behavior This may help paint a better picture as to whether this is an isolated incident or a larger concern that needs to be identified and addressed. Consider whether there were any changes in her environment, and check-in with any other people who have been caring for or interacting with your partner's daughter recently. I'm curious if this behavior - her crossing boundaries with you - may be a part of a larger pattern of behavioral changes? Do take a look at these pages on Warning Signs in Children of Possible Sexual Abuse and these Signs a Child is At Risk to Harm Another Child. I also hear that you and your partner have lightly addressed this in the moment - and that's great - and though this behavior hasn't recurred in a while, you are still concerned. There could be so many things going on here, and it sounds like you've already considered that this could be part of her information gathering process during puberty - although this is not an appropriate way of getting her questions answered, it could be that this is her way of seeking out information on bodies and sexuality. Touching an adult's private parts, like your breasts, is an uncommon behavior in children at this age and stage (for more information, see our tip sheet called Age Appropriate Sexual Behavior). You sound like a very important role model for her, and I'm glad you've reached out to us. You're asking such a good question, and it's really fantastic that you're looking to approach this from both a safety standpoint and one of compassion. I just want to be careful not to embarrass or shame her. He’s also mentioned it a few times to her, when he’s seen the behaviour himself. I have spoken with her dad about this, and he’s also aware and keeping an eye on it. She hasn’t done it in a while, but I do sometimes find her watching me or looking at my body if she doesn’t think I’m paying attention. I’d like to know if this seems like simple curiosity, and also some advice for how approach a conversation with her about this as the ways I’ve attempted so far don’t seem to work. There have been times when she does this that make it seem deliberate: approaching me from behind, running her hands down the front of my body as she moves out of a hug, etc. I have mentioned it to her in a number of different ways, casually “hey, watch out for the boobs.” I’ve tried redirecting her hands to a more appropriate placement and I’ve even explicitly said to be careful as I’m not comfortable and it’s not okay for her to touch my boobs. Recently, whenever she goes to hug me, her hands find their way to my breasts. My partner’s 10 year old is starting to experience the changes in her body associated with puberty.
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